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Consent RE Saturday April 22

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Crzydee
(@crzydee)
Posts: 61
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

I feel like the topic of consent and expectations needs to be addressed by the adults in the room following last Saturday.  

I have been coming to SteamWorks since January, I've been about 7-8 times now.  Saturday night was the first time that I felt unsafe at times at SteamWorks.  I feel that the ladies nooner got a lot of men overly excited to get their dicks wet and set up some pretty high expectations for male newcomers and regulars alike.

I'm going to share my experiences below and what I would have preferred. I hope some other ladies that read this share their negative experiences and preferences as well.  Here's to hoping this can be a "productive conversation".

1. There were two gentlemen, a black man around 5"10, with glasses, slim/average bill with thinning hair, and an overweight white man with black hair and black beard. They were following me everywhere and hanging around my door. I tried to lose them on more than 3 occasions taking random turns and hiding in groups of people. They continued to follow me until I went to a friend's room (209) and shut the door in their faces. They did not take the hint as the white male began knocking on the door. I let them have it at that point and explained in no uncertain terms that I have no relationship with them and that is creepy that they're stalking me. I told them to vamoose or I'd be contacting staff to have them removed. I caught the black male following me again twice but when he saw me looking at him he'd run off. The next time we run into one another I'll be reporting him for stalking me. The white male apologized outside the club when he was driving away.

2. I was in room 306, and frequently went in there with my boyfriend to get away from the men following me.  There is a male glory hole, which was constantly being knocked on all night. By 11pm I couldn't stand it anymore being constantly knocked at. I exited my room and banged on the glory hole room door and asked the short, skinny black male inside why he had closed the door. He responded that he wanted privacy. I asked him why he thought I had shut my door. He said he didn't know. So I asked him again why he closed the door, again he said for privacy. I asked AGAIN, why he thought I'd closed my door. He finally connected the two ideas and suggested perhaps I wanted privacy as well. I congratulated him for the increase in function of his prefrontal cortex, told him to fuck off and returned to my room. He didn't knock again, but had he, I would have reported him.

3. I went to Fuck Alley to the GB room with the boyfriend. I was followed by a herd of men, my boyfriend left to use the washroom.  After 5-10 minutes of attempting to play, I realised that all of the men around me had soft, limp dicks. Some had condoms draped over them. Of 8 men, only one man had an erection.  The rest were trying to get their gross soft cocks on my face or fuck me with their limp dicks, it was disgusting. I felt dirty and disrespected and used. I waited for an opportunity to escape, grabbed my towel and ran out of the room. All the men were clueless and shocked to why I ran out.  I had realised they had all already cum and were done for the night. This experience wasn't about having a mutually enjoyable time, I was being used like an object and it was disgusting. Who knows if I'll ever return to my favorite room at the club after that.

4. I had various men approach me all evening asking to come and fuck me in my private room, without so much as a hello, how are you? It felt dirty and whore-ish. Like I was a piece of meat. I felt like I couldn't leave my room without being harrassed incessantly.

 

I feel that there needs to be a sign made outlaying the rules of how to treat women and that stalking them is not okay. Knocking on glory holes or doors is not okay. Touching without clear, verbal consent is not okay.  This needs to be a SAFE environment for women to attend, so more women will actually attend.  There needs to be a policy that if a woman feels she needs to go to staff to complain about you, you're removed immediately and banned for a period of time. We women deserve to feel safe and that we have the RIGHT TO CHOOSE what experience we want to have. This is not a fuck free for all and that needs to be made explicitly clear to men if this business is going to be successful.

Ladies, please comment your experiences below so we may all feel heard, understood and valued. Please consider what we have to say, Jim!

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 8:54 am
bwc, deannmary, Str82it and 6 people reacted
luv2peg87
(@luv2peg87)
Posts: 111
Estimable Member
 

Yeah I guess pushy men were a problem for several groups with women in them that night. I dunno why these guys get the impression that a woman there must me dtf with literally every guy under the roof

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 9:03 am
(@babygirl)
Posts: 131
Reputable Member
 

Some guys feel because they paid their money to enter they should be allowed to fuck everyone. I had a guy before get mad at me because I wouldn't fuck him and said what am I doing here if I'm not going to fuck everyone. And a gang bang is an invitation to fuck all the men in the club. It's still out bodies and we have a say in who we decide we are going fuck and not fuck. 

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 9:28 am
deannmary, purelysoakedxo, dirtydaddy55 and 4 people reacted
PhotoguyAB
(@photoguyab)
Posts: 79
Trusted Member
 

This is an issue that I hope will be addressed.  I think there are some clear issues of simple courtesy and conduct that are not being understood.  I for one would like to see more women come out but if the experience is uncomfortable and negative, word will get out and that won't happen.

Maybe another thing that needs to be added to each room is a do not disturb sign.  As it was pointed out even though the door was closed there were some didn't get the message that to leave alone.

Each time I have come with my spouse me and her are always walking together as I have witnessed the "wolfpack" trolling around for its next prey.

What my wife has found funny is that there are guys that are obviously there to just get laid but don't care bout the woman.  Me and her like to stop and sit in the lounge area next to the locker area so that we can talk and get to know individuals.  Yet only a few have stopped to talk, maybe because there isn't the instant chance for sex?  I sorta wish there was one other common area like that one upstairs where people can stop and converse.

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 9:32 am
(@curlystud)
Posts: 49
Trusted Member
 

Yikes, glad I decided to stay home that day. Normally men are good at telling others to settle down or leave if they're not invited and being pushy.

This is why most of the time I meet someone I try to go to a private room... so some nasty dude isn't standing over me. But it shouldn't have to be that way.

 

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 9:33 am
Str82it, luv2peg87, Crzydee and 2 people reacted
(@Anonymous 791)
Posts: 29
Eminent Member Guest
 

Sorry to hear about your experience,  however,  forgive me but I'm a little confused about #3. You went to a GB room....expecting conversation? To get to know people? I guess I don't understand what a GB is. I do get the part about consent and respect,  but ... it's a GB room. Perhaps you should have left the area til your bf got back? By that I mean not stayed spread on the table like a piece of meat, if that's what happened. We all deserve respect and consent must be given, of course, but the public areas like the GB area are for public play and if I were to lay myself out in the open I guess I'd have to fend off the unwanted too. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if it's privacy one wants, then find the 1 you want and play in your room?

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 10:49 am
Str82it, Tall_Boy, TiddleWink and 2 people reacted
Shyguy69
(@shyguy69)
Posts: 25
Eminent Member
 

Hello I was there during the afternoon for my first time and was brought there by my lady partner and her female friend to give me an amazing experience. It was NOT that. I was uncomfortable, overwhelmed and frustrated with the mob mentality of the guys there. I'm a shy, gentle, respectful man with old school morals. To be honest with what I saw there I do not see how I could even ever connect with anyone for some play. I'm not pushy or aggressive or rude like what I saw. I was not even allowed to play with the ladies I was there with because we could not escape the hoard even with our door shut and lock. They just kept banging on the door and bothering us. I will say a couple times I saw my partner being grabbed and she was saying NO but the grabbing was not stopping quickly enough. I felt like knocking some of these guys out. 

all in all it was ok but I'm not sure about this club now that I read this is an ongoing problem. Too bad those kinds of guys have to destroy it for the few good guys left out there. 

Kik Diamonddave1967

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 11:36 am
deannmary, Lady K and Crzydee reacted
Crzydee
(@crzydee)
Posts: 61
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

@cpl Just because I'm in a public play area, on a bed intended to be used for gangbangs and my intention is to be gangbanged does not mean I want my face slapped with soft cocks. My clitoris is located between my legs, not on my forehead.  My intention was to be gangbanged by erect penises.  Their intention was to slap their soft dicks around and on my face. I hope that helps clear things up as to why I was a bit disjointed about the whole experience - it wasn't respectful or meant for me to enjoy and that is something I do not consent to. Full stop.

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 12:19 pm
Str82it, Ryan be good, Foxilymanner and 2 people reacted
Crzydee
(@crzydee)
Posts: 61
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

@cpl I must also mention that I don't need my boyfriend present to play, it's my body not his. It's not up to me or my boyfriend to ensure that the male patrons of SW are treating women with respect.  He is not the morality police of my vagina and in any case this is more about entitled men with bad manners than it is my preferences for erect penises.

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 12:22 pm
bwc, deannmary, Str82it and 6 people reacted
(@Anonymous 791)
Posts: 29
Eminent Member Guest
 

Ok, so basically what I'm gathering is, your pissed cuz you didn't get any action...right?

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 12:25 pm
deannmary, TiddleWink, Crzydee and 1 people reacted
7inchwondercock
(@7inchwondercock)
Posts: 405
Honorable Member
 

@cpl. You are Totally missing her point. When she was in the e room (and I was there) she made it clear.what she was.looking / waiting for. .  And the gents just keep doing the floppy cock face slapping. And the entitlement the guys thought they had. So she left. Clear enough for you ?

7inch

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 12:32 pm
Str82it, TiddleWink, luv2peg87 and 2 people reacted
Shyguy69
(@shyguy69)
Posts: 25
Eminent Member
 

I was there and because it was my first time I took it all in. Everything the ladies are saying is absolutely correct and the way it went down. I did not enjoy myself much as me being a respectful, gentle, kind man with old school morals I saw no opportunity for a guy like me to play as I was not interested in fighting the mob. 

These ladies were beautiful and kind and do not deserve to be treated like that in this kind of environment. Guys like I witnessed give the few of us decent men left a bad name and reputation. 

Kik Diamonddave1967

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 12:40 pm
luv2peg87 and Crzydee reacted
(@Anonymous 36)
Posts: 48
Eminent Member Guest
 

Saturday was weird.  We got there later and definitely had felt the entitlement in the air.  At least I did.  @sirhc @ktrouble can speak for themselves.   I was also uncomfortable with a tall white male and when I was being fucked in the swing made it very clear.   I had to also tell a gentlemen to back off of @ktrouble and I believe @7inchwondercock did as well...  as for the needing a male there.   Screw that.  I come to Steamworks because is a safe space to be myself and not be groped, stalked or sexually assaulted.   I have been vocal in the past and I will continue to be.   I don't need my male counterpart to protect me and if I do, I won't be attending.  

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 12:45 pm
deannmary, Str82it, Jim and 5 people reacted
Lumberjack
(@lumberjack)
Posts: 44
Trusted Member
 

@photoguyab a while back I made a similar comment about the same thing. I am a bicurious male, and I’ve had the pleasures of meeting many persons. I was reading on Steamtalk the experiences of a woman, who felt unwanted groping while she was going up and down the stairs. Even though this is a place to explore sensually and sexually that doesn’t change the fact the exploration has to be explicitly accepted by all parties involved. I don’t understand why someone paying for entrance to the facility thinks that means they have the right to touch anyone, anywhere, at any time without permission. And even if permission is given, it can be revoked by any party, at any moment, and all parties should respect that. I just don’t get it. And my big concern is as you said, these fantastic women will stop coming. And yes, I am bi curious but by no means, do I desire to exclude any gender. I don’t want the new normal to be the abnormal what is stated by @crzydee. We’ve seen too much of that in our society as of late. The one thing this place has given me has been the comfort in exploration and exploring my sexuality. Also forgetting the sex aspect, I’ve met some really neat, fun, smart and thoughtful people that I would otherwise have never met.  Talking in the common area by the captains room, sitting in the hot tub and a bunch of people, those are some great times. They only accentuate and enhance my experiences here. I think society has repressed so many that they don’t follow through with their desires. More people would come here if that view changed. I support all those who come here to explore, and to do so in a safe environment and a safe manner. I want the opportunities to meet these very cool people to continue. I want new very cool people to feel comfortable to come here. Change is good. Good change is way better.

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 12:51 pm
deannmary, Str82it, Crzydee and 2 people reacted
Shyguy69
(@shyguy69)
Posts: 25
Eminent Member
 

I was there and because it was my first time I took it all in. Everything the ladies are saying is absolutely correct and the way it went down. I did not enjoy myself much as me being a respectful, gentle, kind man with old school morals I saw no opportunity for a guy like me to play as I was not interested in fighting the mob. 

These ladies were beautiful and kind and do not deserve to be treated like that in this kind of environment. Guys like I witnessed give the few of us decent men left a bad name and reputation. 

Kik Diamonddave1967

 
Posted : 25/04/2023 12:51 pm
Str82it and Crzydee reacted
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